Last updated: January 23, 2009
Evolution has endowed us with powerful destructive emotions which enabled our barbarian ancestors to survive in a predatory environment of scarcity.
Times have changed since then.
These destructive emotions that once served us so well are now a real pain in the ass. :)
They are the source of all of the conflict and suffering in the world.
If humanity is to evolve we must learn to gain control of these destructive emotions.
We have been.
Evolution has provided us with that ability too.
Our brains have been evolving.
Our logical mind now has the power to assert itself over our more ancient emotional one.
I believe that we are seeing this process (natural selection) unfold each day on the daily news.
Those among us who are less able to control their emotions invariably kill themselves, are killed or are imprisoned - leaving those with greater control to pass their genes on to the next generation.
Unfortunately these emotionally unstable lunatics tend to take others with them before they off themselves. Such is the nature of barbarism.
There is still a long way to go. Humanity is still deep in the age of barbarism and there is much work to be done before we have completely mastered the beasts within ourselves.
There are techniques that we can teach ourselves to better control our destructive emotions and these techniques are well worth learning.
We ALL have an interest in learning these techniques because we all desire more joy and less suffering do we not? I’m excluding sado-masochists of course – not sure what to make of these dudes. :)
Learning these techniques ourselves and teaching them to our children is the way that we will move forward together as a species and elevate ourselves out of the age of barbarism into a glorious new future of who knows what?
What on earth will do with all of our free time when beating the hell out of each other has lost its appeal? :)
Perhaps the first step in this process is to understand the nature of our destructive emotions themselves. What are they? How do they tend to occur? Where are the opportunities in the rage of barbarism for us to catch ourselves and re-assert control?
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Human beings create “models” of various types for two purposes:
1. To understand a thing
2. To communicate our understanding of that thing to somebody else
One of the most effective types of models is a “visual model” (or diagram) of which there are an infinite variety of types.
Below I use a particular type of diagram called a “state chart diagram” to model the emotional states of the barbarian mind.
A state chart diagram consists of states (rectangles) and state transitions (arrows).
In our case we are visually modeling emotional states and the transitions between them.
The rest of this article explains the diagram.
I expect this to change significantly over time as my understanding improves. Feel free to send me your suggestions for improvement.
Please keep in mind the following quote from George Box:
“All models are wrong. Some models are useful.” ;)
The Barbarian Mind States
(CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO ENLARGE IT)
The “Rational”, “Flow” and “Forgiveness” states are the non-barbarian states. These are the states that we are in when we are not behaving like uncivilized beasts.
The rest of the states are the barbarian states. These are the states that we allow ourselves to revert to when we lack the emotional maturity to keep our destructive emotions in check.
For most people the Rational state is the state that they spend most of their time in.
Fear, however, is the path to the dark side.
Real or imagined hurts cause a release of the stress hormone cortisol which gears our body up for the fight or flight response.
This is the ideal place to stop the descent into barbarism. The ability to control our fears at this stage would prevent us from taking our periodic journeys of chaotic destruction.
When we are unable to do so – when we allow ourselves to be consumed by fear – the fight or flight response is triggered.
When we make a decision to fight at this stage the “cycle of barbarism” begins. Here is where we behave like savage beasts. We lash out at others. If they are unable to control themselves they lash out back at us. And the childish orgy of destruction begins.
This is where we destroy friendships, partnerships, marriages and all variety of loving connections. When the cycle of barbarism gets intense enough we go beyond hurts of the mind to hurts of the body. This is where we start physically assaulting and killing each other. What an evolved race we are eh?
Thankfully, most times we enter the cycle of barbarism we are able to refrain from actually killing each other. Usually we just lash out and hurt each other's feelings. Nevertheless, it is still childishly immature and barbaric behavior that leads to undesirable suffering. We are better than this.
On the diagram the surviving parties exit the “cycle of barbarism” to transition to the state of numbness. If we were dumb enough to allow ourselves to get here in the first place we now get one last opportunity to wrest control from the barbarian mind. We can decide whether we are going to turn on our empathy and allow ourselves to feel compassion for the person or persons whom we have battled or we can seek to switch off our empathy and become self-absorbed in our victimhood.
If we lack emotional maturity we will make the later choice and we will be rewarded by keeping ourselves stuck in the barbarian mind states for a much longer period of time than would otherwise have been necessary. Self-inflicted pain will grow and grow until we decide to go venture back to the “cycle of barbarism” again. Joy.
This does not sound like a particularly pleasant way to live one’s life but some people seem to enjoy it. The Palestinians and Israelis, for example, have been stuck in this “cycle of barbarism” and “cycle of victimhood” for the better part of a century. There seem to be a lot of barbarians in the gene pool in this part of the world. I suppose that eventually they’ll all kill themselves off and we’ll have some peace. [Sarcasm intended. Don’t suicide bomb me please.]
Fear is not the only type of impulse that can lead to the barbarian mind seizing control. Lust can do the same. By “lust” I mean selfishly acting on a desire without concern for how it might affect the joy or suffering of others. For example cheating your partner or choosing to have sex with someone who is in a committed monogamous relationship.
In either case, if we choose to do this we are acting incredibly selfishly. Again we are self absorbed and our self absorption causes us to lose our ability to feel empathy for those who might be hurt by such actions.
When our empathy returns we quite rightly enter into a state of self loathing.
It seems to be quite common for some individuals in this state to try to morally justify their actions via self-deception. As the chart illustrates however, this does not help them to escape the barbarian mind states. Instead it merely creates more suffering for those whom they unjustly attack and for themselves.
The conscience of these bottom dwellers quite rightly causes them to burn in a hell of their own making. They learn to practice deception and live in constant fear of being found out. There is no escaping the law of reciprocity.
More so the deception and dishonesty that they practice causes them to destroy the bonds of trust with other human beings and they end up alienating themselves from love – the one and only force capable of rescuing them from the hell that they have created for themselves.
Opportunities
So what to make of all of this?
It should be obvious by now that the goal of bringing more joy and less suffering to the individual and the world can best be realized by seeking to keep ourselves out of these barbarian mind states at all times or at least limiting the amount of time that we spend in them when we find ourselves there.
A barbarian is a person whose empathy switch has been turned off. A person in this state is a danger to themselves and those around them. The goal is to get that switch turned back on ASAP and to prevent it from being turned off again.
What can be done?
Where exactly are the opportunities for regaining control from our inner beasts?
And what kinds of approaches might we use to take advantage of these opportunities?
There are a few key decision points in the barbarian mind states where we have the opportunity to re-assert control over our inner barbarians and transition ourselves back into more civilized beings.
These are the places where we may employ specific techniques to help us to do so. Emotional Intelligence education can be of value here. They key decision points are as follows:
Key Decision Point #1: Pre-Conflict: To duel or not to duel?
When we are at are our most civilized we choose never to allow ourselves to be consumed by fear. It is, of course, usually more civilized to walk away from a fight than to embrace it.
A great many techniques exist for facing and overcoming our fears. I’ve posted a few “overcoming fear” affirmations that I have found to be particularly helpful.
Decision Point #2: Post-Conflict: To duel again or not?
When the fight is over and we are numb we can choose the path of self-absorption if we want to stay a barbarian or we can choose the path of compassion and forgiveness to evolve back into a civilized human being.
Here the techniques that are of value are those that encourage us to stay out of the pathetic “woe is me” type of thinking that we’ve all engaged in from time to time and to instead allow ourselves to feel empathy and love.
Decision Point #3: Give in to lust?
The decision of whether or not to give into lust ultimately comes down to the same factors as does the decision of whether or not to give into the destructive impulse of fear.
1. The strength of the impulse and
2. The ability of the individual to resist it
When the impulse is sexual infidelity its strength is often dependent on hormonal factors. A woman who is ovulating, for example, is more likely to cheat than one who is not.
And the ability of the individual to resist the impulse depends on factors like
1. The amount of love that they have in their life (the more he better)
2. Their self esteem (the higher the better)
3. The amount of stress in their life (the less the better)
The goal is to stay out of the destructive barbarian mind states because this invariably leads to suffering.
The techniques that enable us to make the right decision here are those that increase the amount of love in our life, build our self esteem and decrease our stress.
Decision Point #4: Self Destruction, Self Deception or Self Improvement?
When we find ourselves in the self loathing state we can choose to go in one of three directions.
Option 1: We can choose the path of self-destruction. We can allow ourselves to be stuck in an endless cycle of self-loathing that all but destroys our self-esteem.
Option 2: We can choose the path of self-deception. We can choose to switch off our empathy and focus on our own real or imagined hurts.
Option 3: We can choose the path of self-improvement. We can seek to “turn our self-critic into a self-coach” [Jack Canfield’s phrase] and to use this as an opportunity to build real character so that we do not repeat our mistake again in the future. Ideally this option also includes reaching out to those whom we have hurt and seeking their forgiveness.
That’s all for now.
I expect to re-write this several times.
Send comments & suggestions for improvement.
alexander.j.ryan@gmail.com
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